Parents all over the world are complaining about the rising trend of disobedience in children. Some countries are having alarming trends. Amongst the various parenting styles, authoritative parenting is proving out to be less effective now. Obedient children can be guided by their parents easily but this is going very difficult.
The children born and brought up in the new technology and democratic environment need a different platform of understanding and communication. It’s not the problem of the children, rather it’s the lack of proper training for the parents. Hence, there is a persistent need of learning the importance of parent education. This article discusses the reasons behind disobedient behavior and the 3 secrets of making them obedient.
Various Disobedient behaviour of the children
It is usually seen that the children are not following what Parents want them to do and what is good for them. They just do what they want at the cost of their studies, health, relationship with family and their family values. Such children
- Do not listen to their parents at all. They simply want to do what suits them. Screen addiction is one of the most important problem these days due to which they are in their own world of anime, cartoons, web series and video games.
- Ignores Parents: The child will pose as if he has not heard that the parents are calling. They will not respond to any household responsibilities. Ignoring parents and environment is an easy way out for the child.
- They will always show as if they are very busy and have so much pending work. This way they resist parents and their family participation. Their world has shrunk to few inches. They like when people admire their post and hate the actual feedback from the parents.
- Children blame their parents for understanding them and not provide the amenities. This lack of gratitude becomes the cause of disrespectful behaviour. Such child shouts and misbehave with their parents.
- They close their rooms so that nobody should interrupt their activities. They do not find themselves as a part of the family. Such children like to be in isolation. They have their virtual friends to interact with and have their own world around them.
- Even if the parents want to talk, they will show disinterest as they feel that the parents will only blame, shame and give pain to them . They procrastinates such talks.
While some parents whose children are small may think that this behavior is not there in their child. But it is commonly seen these type of reactions appear when the child enters teens. This is an age when they get their new energy, beauty and they feel that they can now act independently. This is an age where parents who have not learned and applied Holistic parenting at an early age, usually get frustrated at this stage.
What are the reasons of a child becoming disobedient
The parents must understand the root cause of such disobedient behavior. If they can work on such a pattern of misbehavior, the problem can be solved. Following are the reasons because of which they learn to be disobedient:
- Weak Family Bonds is the primary cause of disrespect and disobedience shown by children. Even if there are some difference of opinions, there would be no conflict because of strong family bonds. They respect each other opinions and mutually take out a solution. On the other hand, a weak family bond, causes conflicts at every point.
- Children think that their parents do not listen to them and do not appreciate their thoughts. So they feel disregarded and they take out their frustration on parents after a certain age.
- Parents do not have trust on their children. The children are speaking white lies as a result the parents loose faith on them. This mistrust deteriorates their relationship.
- Frequent argument and violence in the family. This type of incidences can be between parents or grandparents or even with the child.
5. What is the family ways of treating conflicts? Are they finding the solutions mutually or they are just blaming each other.
6. The use of improper ways of disciplining the child. Sometimes, parents feel normal to hold the ears of their children or screw their arms or even give a slap. This basically attacks their identity. After such frequent actions, either they lose their confidence in themselves or in their parents. Some children also develop a sense of vengeance.
7. Frequent spanking and yelling at the child. Parents usually become sarcastic on their children which develops negative emotions in them. Spanking and yelling only break the bonding with the child. It has invisible future repercussions due to which the child becomes disrespectful to the parents.
8. Sometimes, the children have problems at their school. Their teachers may have scolded them. They may be stressed about performing well in their exams. The children also face some issues regarding their friends. They do not disclose these issues before their parents in the fear of getting more scolding. So they feel suffocated and depressed.
9. The family may be facing some stressful times. Although the parents do not share, the child knows it all and can also feel the stress. He just wants to get out of this stress by moving out of this environment and becomes disobedient.
10. High expectations by parents are also very crushing and irritating for the children.
3 Secrets to make Obedient children
1. Listen to the child
Usually, in the beginning, all children speak their heart to their parents but slowly, they lose this habit. Why? This is because when they used to approach them, they were busy on their TV, phones, or Laptops. They tell the child that they are listening, but they forget to make eye contact, which is an essential part of the listening process. The Parents should listen to the child with full attention. It must take one minute to listen to him rather than creating anger and frustration in a child.
The parents can go for reflective listening and parrot the sentences of the child so that the child feels that he is understood and cared for.
2. 5 minutes daily rule
Every parent must sit with each child daily, discussing their day and what happened during the day. The parent is advised not to interrupt the child with their piece of quick advice or blame. These five minutes daily is a very good time where we can create a bonding of the child with parents. If the child does not have anything to share, the parent can share their day.
3. Involve in decision making
Sometimes, when there is any problem in a family, parents don’t share with the children and take decisions themselves and force children to implement them, which children resist doing because of lack of understanding of the reason behind it, and they feel left out.
Parents should present the problems with children in a family meeting, and they should be given time to come up with solutions. After discussing and analyzing different solutions proposed, the decision should be made. The proper systematic procedure of these family meetings is elaborated in the Holistic Parenting Formula at OTU. This will make the child feel involved in the day-to-day decisions, will realize their importance. It will also help children connect and understand parents alongside building teamwork and problem-solving skills.
To conclude, the most critical parenting principle in making obedient children is strengthening the bonding between the parent and the child. Signs of good parenting skills can be learned in Palan level of holistic parenting training at otuglobal.com. The parents can take guidance from a mentor who can help them design the future of the child. The benefits of good parenting are to shape the child to reach new heights and maintain the family’s loving relationship.